Today, I’m celebrating a milestone that has been years in the making. Holding the proof of my book, A Journey to a Valiant Mind, feels like a tangible representation of perseverance, growth, and my deeply personal connection to this work. For anyone who knows me well, you’ll understand why this is more than just a personal accomplishment—it’s a victory over a lifelong pattern shaped by my ADHD and a testament to my passion for helping others navigate similar challenges.
Over the years, I’ve had countless bursts of inspiration where I would dive headfirst into writing projects. Whether it was a workbook, a fiction novel, or a set of creative ideas, my ADHD hyperfocus would kick in full throttle, and I’d pour my energy and heart into the work. Many of those projects grew to about 70 pages before my interest began to wane, and I’d inevitably set them aside for the next shiny idea that caught my attention. It became a cycle that I’d grown to accept, even as I wished I could take one project across the finish line.
This book was different. A Journey to a Valiant Mind was born from my personal experiences and my professional journey as a therapist specializing in ADHD. It’s a reflection of the struggles I’ve faced, the tools I’ve learned to use, and the resilience I’ve seen in my clients. I wrote this book to empower others, to help them understand that navigating life with ADHD is not just about challenges but also about finding strength, self-compassion, and a path toward empowerment.
I decided to challenge myself to break the cycle and push through. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let the excitement fizzle out this time. I took intentional steps to stay accountable—working with professionals who helped bring my vision to life. Collaborating with an editor, proofreader, and typist not only ensured my book would look polished and professional, but it also kept me committed to the process. They became my accountability partners, each contributing their expertise to refine my ideas and hold me to deadlines.
Through this journey, I’ve learned just how vital accountability is when tackling big goals. I’ve always believed in the power of working as a team, but this experience truly drove it home for me. Sometimes, we need others to help us stay on track, especially when our natural tendencies might lead us astray. Having professionals in my corner helped me focus and see this project through to the end.
Seeing this book—complete, vibrant, and real—has brought me so much joy and pride. It represents not just a lifelong dream fulfilled but also a testament to growth, commitment, and the power of collaboration. Most importantly, it represents my desire to help others understand that they are not alone in their journey. For anyone struggling to push past their own patterns or roadblocks, let this be a reminder: You can achieve your goals, especially when you surround yourself with the right support.
I’m so excited to share this book with the world soon and to see where this journey takes me next. Thank you to everyone who has supported me along the way—this is only the beginning!
Holding the proof copy of my book, A Journey to a Valiant Mind! This moment represents years of perseverance, growth, and the determination to bring my vision to life.
Anxiety is an emotional state characterized by feelings of unease, worry, and fear. Despite its unpleasant nature, anxiety serves an important evolutionary purpose. It is a survival mechanism that alerts us to potential danger and prompts us to take action to protect ourselves. This response to threat, commonly known as the “fight, flight or freeze” response, has helped our ancestors survive in dangerous situations.
Our ancient ancestors lived in a world that was much different from the one we live in today. They were constantly exposed to danger from wild animals, harsh weather conditions, and other threats to their survival. In order to survive in this environment, they had to have a quick and efficient way of responding to danger. This is where the Fight, Flight, or Freeze response comes into play. Imagine that our ancestors were out gathering food in the forest and they suddenly encountered a large, dangerous animal. The Fight, Flight, or Freeze response would kick in to help them respond to the situation. In this situation, if the ancestor felt confident that they could defeat the animal in a fight, they would go into the Fight mode. They would use their muscles to physically fight the animal and defend themselves. If the ancestor felt that they were no match for the animal, they would go into the Flight mode. They would use their legs to run away from the animal as quickly as possible, in order to avoid getting hurt. If the ancestor felt completely overwhelmed and helpless, they would go into the Freeze mode. In this mode, they would try to make themselves as small and unnoticeable as possible, hoping that the animal would lose interest and leave them alone. The Fight, Flight, or Freeze response was necessary for human survival because it allowed our ancestors to respond quickly and effectively to danger. This response helped them avoid harm and stay alive, which allowed them to pass on their genes to future generations. Although the dangers we face today are different from those of our ancestors, the Fight, Flight, or Freeze response is still a part of our biology and can be triggered in response to perceived threats.
In the modern world, our mind continues to react to perceived threats in much the same way as it did in prehistoric times. Our bodies are still wired to respond to danger with the Fight, Flight, or Freeze response, which can be triggered by perceived threats, even if they are not actually life-threatening. This can result in feelings of anxiety and worry, even when there is no real danger present. For example, a person may feel anxious before an important job interview, even though the interview itself is not life-threatening. This is because their mind perceives the interview as a threat to their well-being, and the Fight, Flight, or Freeze response is triggered. This can be challenging because negative thoughts and worries can become repetitive, leading to what is known as rumination. Rumination is the persistent and repetitive focus on negative thoughts, emotions, and experiences, which has been shown to contribute to the development and maintenance of anxiety disorders. Research has shown that rumination is a significant risk factor for the development of anxiety and depression. For example, a study published in the journal “Behaviour Research and Therapy” found that individuals who ruminate more often have higher levels of anxiety and depression compared to those who ruminate less. The study concluded that rumination may play a key role in the development and maintenance of anxiety and depression. Understanding the role of rumination in anxiety and depression can help individuals develop coping strategies to manage their negative thoughts and emotions.
Rumination is a persistent and repetitive focus on negative thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It is a cognitive process that involves the repeated and prolonged thinking about negative experiences, worries, and stressors. This type of thinking is often associated with anxiety and depression and is considered a risk factor for the development of these disorders. Rumination can contribute to the development and maintenance of anxiety disorders in several ways.
First, rumination can increase the intensity and duration of negative emotions, leading to an increase in anxiety levels. When we repeatedly focus on negative thoughts and experiences, it can trigger the Fight, Flight, or Freeze response, which can result in physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, sweating, and muscle tension. Second, rumination can also interfere with problem-solving abilities, making it difficult to find solutions to the stressors and problems that we are facing. This can lead to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, which can further increase anxiety levels. Third, rumination can also affect our perception of time. It can make time seem to slow down and make it seem as though our negative thoughts and worries will never end. This can result in increased levels of anxiety and stress.
Research has shown that individuals who ruminate more often have higher levels of anxiety and depression compared to those who ruminate less. For example, a study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that rumination was positively associated with anxiety and depression symptoms. The study concluded that rumination may play a key role in the development and maintenance of anxiety and depression. It can increase the intensity and duration of negative emotions, interfere with problem-solving abilities, affect our perception of time, and lead to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Many individuals may wonder why our brain seems to get stuck on negative thinking and wonder why developing positive thinking and a “go with the flow” attitude takes time and commitment to develop. The answer connects back to our evolutionary history.
Recent research has shown that the human brain is wired to pay more attention to negative information and has a negativity bias. This means that our minds tend to give more weight and importance to negative events and experiences than positive ones. This negativity bias is thought to have evolved as a survival mechanism, helping our ancestors to be alert to potential dangers and threats in their environment.
One study, published in the journal “Nature Neuroscience,” found that negative information has a stronger impact on our emotions and memories compared to positive or neutral information. The study concluded that the negativity bias is a fundamental aspect of human cognition and may play a crucial role in our ability to survive and adapt to environmental challenges.
Another study, published in the journal “Emotion,” found that the negativity bias is present in all cultures and is not specific to any particular group or demographic. The study concluded that the negativity bias is a universal aspect of human cognition and may have evolved as a survival mechanism to help us respond to potential dangers and threats in our environment.
The following TED Talk videos expand on why the human brain is wired to cling to negative information:
Recent research suggests that the human brain is wired to pay more attention to negative information and has a negativity bias. This negativity bias is thought to have evolved as a survival mechanism to help us respond to potential dangers and threats in our environment. Understanding the negativity bias can help individuals develop coping strategies to manage negative thoughts and emotions and promote mental well-being.
To help themselves get out of negative thinking, people can try several strategies. One of the most effective is to engage in mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises. Mindfulness helps to quiet the mind and reduce the impact of negative thoughts. It can also help to increase awareness of one’s thoughts and feelings, allowing for a more mindful and intentional response to them. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is another effective approach to managing anxiety. This type of therapy helps individuals to identify and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to anxiety. CBT also teaches coping strategies, such as problem-solving and relaxation techniques, to help manage anxiety in a healthy way.Exercise and physical activity can also be beneficial for reducing anxiety. Exercise has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety and improve mood by increasing the release of endorphins, which are the body’s natural mood-enhancers. Exercise can also serve as a healthy outlet for stress and can help individuals manage negative thoughts and feelings. Finally, it is important to take care of oneself by getting adequate sleep, eating a balanced diet, and engaging in self-care activities. These activities can help reduce stress and improve overall well-being, which in turn can help reduce anxiety.
In conclusion, anxiety serves an important evolutionary purpose, but it can become problematic in modern times. To help reduce anxiety and negative thinking, individuals can engage in mindfulness practices, seek out therapy, exercise, and take care of their overall well-being. By implementing these strategies, individuals can take control of their thoughts and feelings and lead a more fulfilling life.
It can feel like your mind is a prison, and you’re the only one with the key to unlock the door. Anxiety and depression can be incredibly daunting and overwhelming, making it seem like you’ll never be able to break free. But the truth is, you don’t have to live like this forever. You can take back the control you’ve been missing, and with the right tools and help, you can overcome anxiety and depression and start to live a happier, healthier life. It starts with taking the first steps, however small, and understanding where to find the resources and support you need. Together, we can regain the freedom that has been taken away from us and start to live the life we deserve.
What is Anxiety and Depression?
At its most basic level, anxiety is a feeling of worry, fear, and uneasiness, particularly about an upcoming event or situation. It’s completely normal to feel anxious at times, as it’s a natural reaction to everyday stresses and can even be beneficial, helping us stay safe. But for some people, feelings of anxiety become a regular part of their everyday lives, interfering with everyday activities, work, and relationships. If you have persistent feelings of anxiety that disrupt your life and affect your mental health, you may be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. There are many types of anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. If anxiety disorders aren’t treated, they can become chronic and last a long time, even indefinitely. Depression is characterized by feelings of sadness, loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, and a general loss of energy. These feelings can also include hopelessness and a pessimistic outlook on the future, along with a wide range of physical symptoms. People with depression often have trouble getting out of bed, concentrating, sleeping, and making decisions. Some people with depression also have anxiety.
Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression
Signs of anxiety – A racing heart, sweaty palms, difficulty sleeping, headaches and muscle tension are some of the signs of anxiety. Feeling constantly on edge and easily irritated are other signs of anxiety. Depression – Feeling sad, hopeless, or that you have no energy to do anything are common signs of depression. Caring less about things that used to matter to you, such as hobbies and relationships, are other signs of depression.
Causes of Anxiety and Depression
There isn’t one specific cause for anxiety and depression, but there are a number of different factors that can contribute. Some of these factors include:
Genetics – If you have a family history of anxiety or depression, you are at a higher risk of developing the same.
Hormonal changes – Hormonal changes during and after pregnancy can cause anxiety and depression in mothers.
New or increased stress – A lot of stress can cause anxiety and depression.
Major life events – Major life events, such as the death of a loved one, divorce, or moving to a new place, can also cause anxiety and depression.
Common Treatments for Anxiety and Depression
There are many different types of treatment available for anxiety and depression. It’s important to find the right treatment for you, so you can feel better as quickly as possible. Types of treatment include:
Medication – Anti-anxiety and antidepressant medications can be helpful for treating anxiety and depression.
Therapy – There are many different types of therapy. The right therapy for you will depend on your specific needs.
Mindfulness – Mindfulness is a type of therapy that teaches you to be in tune with your emotions and thoughts, while being nonjudgmental towards yourself.
Self-help – There are many self-help techniques and tools that can help you with anxiety and depression.
Dealing with Anxiety and Depression on Your Own
Exercise – Exercise is great for managing both anxiety and depression. However, it’s important to find an exercise routine that works for you, as everyone responds differently.
Get Enough Sleep – Sleep is an important part of recovery and can also help prevent anxiety and depression.
Make Sure You Eat Healthy – Eating a healthy diet can help improve your mental health.
Practice Positive Self-Talk – Being kind to yourself is important and can help you manage anxiety and depression.
Spend Time with Friends – Spending time with people you trust can help with your recovery and gives you a chance to take a break from stress and worry.
Talk to Someone – Talking to a friend, family member, or a therapist can help you manage your anxiety and depression.
Practice Mindfulness – Although it’s not a quick fix, mindfulness can make a significant difference over time.
Stay Active – Staying active is important for your mental health, especially if you have anxiety or depression.
Seeking Professional Help for Anxiety and Depression
If you are experiencing anxiety or depression, it is important to seek help as soon as possible. While you can take steps to try and manage your symptoms on your own, it is often best to seek professional help. There are many different types of therapy and counseling that can help with anxiety and depression. It may be helpful to discuss your options with a therapist when deciding which type of therapy to pursue. At Valiant Minds Counseling, LLC we will work with you on developing a treatment plan that is unique to your needs and guides you on your path of wellness.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Anxiety and Depression
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most common forms of psychotherapy used to treat anxiety and depression. CBT is based on the idea that our emotions and behaviors are influenced by how we think about things. CBT can help you change the way you think about things in a way that leads to better feelings and fewer or less severe symptoms. In CBT for anxiety, you work with a therapist to identify the thoughts and beliefs that make you anxious. You then learn techniques to challenge and change these thoughts. CBT for depression is similar, but the goal is to change your thoughts and beliefs to be more positive. Below are the most common types of negative thinking and ways to redirect these thoughts to alleviate your feelings of anxiety and depression.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
Seeing things in black-or-white. No shades of grey. If things aren’t perfect, you see them as a failure.
For example: You started a new diet, and for the first few days, you’re eating according to plan. And then, you have a sliver of apple pie. You berate yourself for not being perfect and tell yourself, “I’ve blown it, I might as well just eat the whole pie! I’m such a failure!”
Overgeneralization
One thing happens, and you believe that it “always” happens to you. Or you want something to happen, and when it doesn’t, you believe it “never” happens to you. These thoughts are upsetting and set up a cycle of defeat.
For example: You’ve asked someone out on a date, and they say no. Your automatic response is, “I’ll never find someone to go out with me.”
Mental Filter
Of all the things going well, you pick one negative detail out and focus all your attention on it.
For example: You received 20 feedback forms after facilitating a workshop. 19 of the forms were filled with positive statements about you and your work. One form noted that you could have managed the time better. All you thought about was that one “negative” statement while ignoring all the other positive feedback.
Discounting the Positive
You often feel inadequate or unappreciated because you ignore positive experiences.
For example: You sang beautifully on stage but told yourself it wasn’t good enough.
Jumping to Conclusions
How often have you jumped to a conclusion based on a feeling or thought without any evidence to support it?
Mind reading example: You seem to know exactly how someone is thinking. You often interpret an action or response and conclude that you’re not liked or that someone is angry with you.
Fortune-telling example: You already know you’re going to struggle with something before it has even started
Magnification/minimization
Your special magnifying glass can magnify an issue, making it bigger than it really is. Or you’re able to minimize the situation and your positive qualities.
For example: You agreed to pick up milk on your way home from work. With a lot of things on your mind, you forgot. In your mind, you become the most forgetful, unreliable, disorganized person there is!
Emotional Reasoning
This cognitive distortion allows you to believe that whatever you’re feeling, it must be so.
For example: You’re anxious about driving so you’ve concluded that driving is unsafe.
“Should” statements
You have a clear idea about how things “should” or shouldn’t” be. When they don’t turn out that way, we blame ourselves or others.
For example: “I should have done it my way instead of listening to you. It’s your fault it didn’t work out.”
Labelling
This distortion is like all-or-nothing thinking. You label yourself in a negative way when you’ve done something you or others don’t like. You don’t realize that you are not your behaviour. Similarly, when someone else does something you don’t like or makes a mistake, you label them, writing them off as if their behaviour is who they are.
For example: You give someone directions that turn out to be wrong. Instead of recognizing you’ve made a mistake, you label yourself – “I’m such an idiot!” Or, you give someone else a label when he/she disappoints you or makes a mistake – “She’s a liar!”
Personalization and blame
You hold yourself responsible for events or things you don’t have 100% control over. This distortion involves the blame game – when you blame something or someone else, you don’t have to look at your part in the situation.
For example: Your child gets into trouble at school, and instead of being curious about what happened and why, you blame yourself for being a terrible parent. Or, you blame others for your child’s challenges at school: “It’s the teacher’s fault that my child is in trouble. She’s a terrible teacher.”
5 steps to change your thinking
Our thoughts create our feelings. Changing our thoughts changes how we feel.
This simple and yet challenging formula is what will turn these Cognitive Distortions around. The strategies outlined below challenge each one so that you can begin to think more effectively and realistically. As you practice these, you’ll find yourself feeling better – about yourself and others.
Step 1: Identify Your Distortions
Keep a journal. As you become familiar with the 10 Cognitive Distortions, notice which ones you seem to favour. Writing down your thoughts and the corresponding distortions in your journal help you keep track of what you’re thinking about and how you’re feeling.
Step 2: Challenge Your Thinking
It’s important to challenge your thoughts because not all of our thoughts are true! As you write down your thoughts and the corresponding distortion, ask yourself: Is this really true? Do I know this to be true, for sure? Have I checked the facts?
Take a step back and assess the situation again. Continue challenging your thinking with other questions such as “Am I really a bad person?” or “Could it be that she was doing the best she could and just made a mistake?” or “When would this not be true?”
Step 3:Compassionate Self-talk
We are often extremely hard on ourselves. Our self-talk is harsh, negative, and sometimes abusive. When you think about how you would speak to a good friend, chances are you’d never say the things you say to yourself to your friend.
For each distortion you’ve identified, write down how you would respond to a good friend. Then, practice using this more compassionate self-talk with yourself.
Step 4: Seek Support
Find a friend or someone you trust to help you challenge your assumptions and distortions. The right questions can help you shift your perspective from black or white to shades of grey! Creating some flexibility in your thinking can help you lower your stress, feel less anxious and shift away from depression.
Step 5: Positive/Negative Outcomes
Self-assessment is key to finding the mental and emotional freedom you’re looking for as you challenge your own cognitive distortions. By asking yourself to assess the positive and negative outcome of sticking with your perspective, you’re able to decide whether it’s worth keeping or changing it.
Asking these questions will help:
How will it help me or hurt me if I believe this distortion?
Will it move me closer to being the person I want to be or farther away?
If I dig my heels in and continue to believe this thought, how will it impact my relationship(s)?
How do I feel about myself?
Does believing this distortion help or harm my depression, confidence, self-worth, anxiety, etc.?
Challenging your cognitive distortions does take practice and patience, but at Valiant Minds Counseling, LLC we guarantee that your life will become so much better as you take control of your thoughts instead of allowing them to control you.
Mindfulness Strategies for Anxiety and Depression
Mindfulness is a type of therapy that helps you be more in tune with your emotions and thoughts, while being nonjudgmental towards yourself. There are a number of different exercises and practices you can try to help with anxiety and depression.
Notice Your Breathing – Take a moment to notice your breathing. Focus on your breath going in and out.
Grounding- Take a moment and notice the environment around you. How many items are yellow? How many are green? What sounds can you here?
Practice Gratitude – Acknowledge what you’re grateful for.
Exercise – Exercise is great for managing both anxiety and depression.
Sleep – Sleep is an important part of recovery and can also help prevent anxiety and depression.
Eat Healthy – Eating a healthy diet can help improve your mental health.
Self-Care Practices for Anxiety and Depression
It can be helpful to think about your mental health as something you need to take care of, like your physical health. There are lots of things you can do to help maintain good mental health. Some of these include:
Pay Attention to Your Environment
Getting outside – Getting outside can help you feel better.
Practice Relaxation Techniques
Relaxation can help lower your stress and improve your mood.
Spend Time with Friends – Spending time with people you trust can help you manage your anxiety and depression. –
Write in a Journal – Journaling can help you process your emotions and thoughts.
Finding Support for Anxiety and Depression
Whether you decide to seek professional help or try to manage your anxiety and depression on your own, it is important to know that you have support. Having someone to talk to can make a big difference in how you feel and can help you take control of your mental health. You can find support in a number of ways, including: – Speaking with a family member or friend – Talking to a therapist – Joining a support group – Reading self-help books – Talking to a religious leader – Talking to your doctor.
Conclusion
Anxiety and depression can be incredibly overwhelming, but the truth is, you don’t have to live like this forever. The most important thing is to start taking action and taking control of your mental health. It is possible to regain the freedom that has been taken away from you and start to live the life you deserve. With the right tools and help, you can overcome anxiety and depression and live a happier, healthier life. It starts with taking the first steps, however small, and understanding where to find the resources and support you need. Together, we can regain the freedom that has been taken away from us and start to live the life we
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